Tag Archives: self examination

Stopping for Coffee … hoping for more

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steaming cup of coffee

 

stopping at Starbucks
buying time with my coffee
a jolt of relief

Can I do this? Can I find a meditative space in the middle of a Starbucks halfway to Austin? Can I be honest when there are other people nearby?

Its hard enough to be honest when I am alone in my closet – hidden from all eyes but yours. Yet, it is the commitment to find the time, to come, to wait in your presence that somehow, slowly molds my soul to the contours of your truth. So, I will give it a try and hope for a bit of grace. Continue reading →

Struggling with Sin

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statue of martyr pierced by arrows

 

When I am honest with myself, I struggle with sin.

There are, of course, the daily slights and stumbles; the things I regret, or kick myself for at the end of the day; the first world sins of breaking my diet or going a few miles over the speed limit. Those pester me, but they are really not my struggle.

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Missing the Mark

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archer

If sin is missing the mark,
And I am human
Isn’t missing the mark inevitable?

So, how is that my fault?

 

What if I’ve missed the point
As well as the mark?
What if it is not so much about avoiding sin
As learning from it?

Adjusting my aim
Strengthening my arm
Trying to actually see the target
Amid all the distractions.

Of course, I can still
Shoot myself in the foot.
Not trying is not allowed either –
Else it turns from sin to something else

This can’t be an excuse
Or I’ve missed it, again
And more …
AAAUGH!

Life as a caterpillar is hard
When you are really born to fly
And the crysallis of this life
Binds too sadly tight for complacency.

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[photo P9194059 by Ian MacDonald per cc 2.0]

A Snail’s Eye View

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snailI am a snail, oozing my way along a garden path,
The shell on my back gives me quick retreat
My vision is limited
I understand so very little.

But I am me. What else can I be?
There is no butterfly metamorphosis for a snail.
No hope of flight. No second life.
What good am I?

Good thing snails are not very self-reflective, huh? Continue reading →

Revelatory Emotions

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editing documentI must admit that I was a bit taken aback with a phrase in my last post and its implications that I might find God annoying. At such times, I am torn between honesty and the threat of heresy. Somehow, I think that God prefers honesty. In any case … in all cases … I must rest upon that very grace that sometimes seems annoying. Continue reading →

A Written Dialog

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clutterI find myself opening a drawer full of long neglected junk: some trash, some treasure, some pencil numbs and safety pins – small items tucked away instead of cleaned or organized, lost to usefulness by neglect.

This is my soul, oh Holy One, and I am tired of the mess.

Continue reading →

We tie

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tree in meadow 2I step over a fallen log as I make my way across the meadow. It is nestled beside a giant oak near the top of a hill and provides a quiet place to rest a bit.

As I sit down, a small brown stone catches my eye and I pick it up. It sits in my palm like a little leaden weight, pressing down – solid, sure, real. I roll it around in my fingers and move it from hand to hand, feeling its substance. Continue reading →

The Mirror

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hand on mirrorI stand looking in the mirror. I don’t often visit myself in such a way. I like a conjured image of myself, better. The me in my mind’s eye is wiser, kinder (and not so wrinkled). No wonder I prefer it.

No wonder that I need to hold myself still before an honest mirror on occasion. Honesty is the admission price for insight and growth. It is the foundation stone for relationship – else, how is a connection made – and with whom? Yet, it takes a funny kind of courage to stand here – to really look.

Continue reading →