gathering pebbles


Can I even do this?
Can I jump from work to meditation in a heartbeat?
What besides a heartbeat can hold room for meditation?

Yet, it is a challenge to get inside a heartbeat – to hold the moment open.
That infinite, small space; that timeless time; that inward journey toward the universe
It does not bend to my command, and yet it is, somehow, within my reach.

Somehow you hold the door open for me
And invite me in with a patient, welcoming smile.
How long have you been holding the door, as I have wandered here and there,
Poking at the pebbles just at the threshold?

Why should I content myself with distraction when you stand so close?
Why is it hard to lean into your embrace?
Too often I wait for you to step outside and embrace me here among the pebbles of my life,
Taking me in your arms and across the threshold of grace.

That is when I remember that it is not the door to meditation,
It is not the door to any place or state of mind,
But it is your arms themselves that are the threshold of grace.
That is when I know, whether I stop to notice, or not,
I am always held within them.

I dare to think that you smile when I notice and return the embrace.
I dare to think that you dance with delight when anyone awakens to the reality of your love.
Love returned is such a multiplier of joy. You yearn to dance together.
Until that moment – until those moments – you hold the fitful child upon your lap.
It seems I fight release until I can fight no more – and then rejoice at having finally let go.

Perhaps some day I will learn to ignore the pebbles and step right in.
It would be good to speed the dance, to run to joy.
Till then, you hold me
And we dance when I grow tired of gathering pebbles.

[photo by Jason Merrick per cc 2.0]

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